How I Found My Dope Husband
I didn’t. He found me. And the moral of the story is, if you really don’t want to be a hunter, stop hunting sis.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a partner if that’s truly who you are. I don’t buy into gender roles for tradition’s sake. As a womanist, I had to reconcile who I really am with who I learned to be to get what I thought I wanted. I’m an achievement oriented, go-getting woman professionally, and I believed those skills were supposed to translate well in romantic relationships. Nope! I also had an underlying distrust of my femininity. I never really believed that I was magnetic, and I struggled to be receptive, because the world had presented me with some evidence that unless I pursued I would be alone.
But, pursuit in romantic relationships left me feeling…feeling like I had to be perfect to maintain those relationships. It foreclosed my ability to be vulnerable and only got me the surface of what I wanted. The type of man I attracted needed to be pursued, and that had later implications for me feeling more parent-like than partner-like later in the relationship. Anyone feel me?
For my ladies who are feeling lonely and desperate (you may not be ready to call it what it is yet, and I understand that), wondering if you may ever find love, and going out of your way to attract partners when you deeply desire to be found, I feel you. Stop searching now sis.
Of course, there was more to it than a simple choice to stop, but that was the first and most important step for me. I had to sit with all of the difficult emotions I experienced when I felt alone, and I had to get some therapy, do some journaling, praying, and meditating to discover who I truly was and what I wanted.
This is not a perfect, easy formula, but I do know this was something that really shifted for me. I hope it helps you too. Feel free to share your feedback and perspective below or on FB.
, by : Dr. Candice Nicole