First of All

Black women are justifiably angry sometimes. This journal is to be used like the good friend you debrief with after something racist, sexist, or otherwise ridiculous has happened, when you want to let your emotions out in a non-judgmental space. A daily journal for Black women who want to respond to racism, but don’t want […]

Three Stretches to Set Your Sensual Self Free

Most women I know don’t have a lot of time to focus on embracing their sensual selves. We’re busy building businesses, raising kids, running organizations, and being more to everyone else than we are to ourselves. But, when the sensual side suffers you suffer sis. Your body becomes less flexible, stiffer, colder. You start to […]

On Erica Garner and Healing Racial Trauma

I felt an eerie combination of a sense of sadness and supposition when I heard that Erica Garner died after experiencing a heart attack. I had just submitted a proposal for my university’s institutional review board (IRB) for a healing racial trauma study – one that specifically looks at the effects of racism on the […]

White Allies Talk To Your Kids About Charlottesville

Yesterday White Supremacist rioters were in Charlottesville with torches, echoing Klan rallies of what some people thought were US history. It isn’t history to many people with marginalized identities in the US. It is familiar. Yesterday White Supremacist rioters engaged in violence and terrorism, beating people and running over others with a car. One woman, […]

Pleasure Worthiness

Do you have a sensational sex life?  There is only one way to answer that question in the authentic affirmative. If you didn’t say “hell yeah!,” “absolutely!,” or any other enthusiastic version of yes, you’re not having sensational sex. You may be having pretty good sex or regular sex, at best. But for so many […]

What Does Liberation Look Like?

The officer who murdered Philando Castile was found not-guilty this week. I am sad, but I am not surprised. Most people I know are not surprised anymore, and that sticks to me. I often think about the importance of being at the table, so that we can revise and recreate the systems that allow this […]

How to Spend a Sensual Saturday

Take a nice, warm shower – or get even more sensual and take a bubble bath. Gently exfoliate. Remove excess hair if you prefer smooth skin. Wash and condition your hair with a delicious-smelling shampoo. Oil your scalp and hair as needed. (For my locs, this is a three hour process, but I deserve it.) […]

Womb War: Reproductive and Sexual Health Issues Among Women of Color

Five health care providers. Four ultrasounds. One MRI. Ending a birth control regimen. Six months of acupuncture and Chinese herbs. Six-month course of liquid iron. Maca root supplements. Blackstrap molasses. Apple cider vinegar with the mother. Womb realignment massage. Fasting. Prayer. Meditation. Raspberry leaf tea. Two-part hysteroscopic (vaginal) myomectomy. Geritol. Starting new birth control regimen. […]

A Simple Recommendation for White Allies

When you set a meeting to discuss a social justice issue, choose a space, neighborhood, or establishment that is non-White. The White habitus is pretty dominant, and most of us live in it so much that it may be a challenge to think of spaces where most people wouldn’t be White. And unfortunately, most people […]

Top Five Sensual Songs

The psychology of sensual, sexy music interests me because I love to know what turns people on. Is it a slow melody with heavy bass, or is it a certain harmonious guitar riff that gets you going? Studies have shown that music affects our moods, such that playing sensual songs all day can subconsciously make […]

Because Control Feels Safe: A Poetic Articulation of How to Stop Saving these Bros

Because control, even the appearance of control, feels safer than vulnerability, we reach around our own wound to fix his. I’m talking to my sisters who hunt when they want to be found, give when they want to receive, push and pull when they just want to be. If I’m not talking to you, then […]

Life, Livelihood, or Luxury: How Social Justice Feels Threatening To People With Privilege When It Usually Isn’t

A recent conversation with some colleagues confirmed a theory I’d been floating around about how people interpret the potential consequences of engaging in social justice work. For so many people with multiple privileged identities (any combination of White, male, cis-gender, heterosexual, able body, middle class or higher, Christian, etc.), even saying the words social justice […]

How I Found My Dope Husband

I didn’t. He found me. And the moral of the story is, if you really don’t want to be a hunter, stop hunting sis. There is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a partner if that’s truly who you are. I don’t buy into gender roles for tradition’s sake. As a womanist, I had to reconcile […]

How to Initiate a Sex Talk with Your Kids when You Feel Awkward

Hey Parents, I know it has been on your mind. You want to talk about sex with your kid, but you feel so awkward that you have avoided it up until now. It makes sense that you feel this way, because you may not have even had someone talk to you about sex. You may […]

Black Lives Matter Meditations

As a counseling psychologist, a healer, and a Black woman with a love ethic to my activism, this project is one of my contributions to the Movement for Black Lives. I was trained to use guided meditation and loving kindness to reduce stress at Emory University in their counseling center’s Stress Clinic, and recently I […]

Transgender Day of Remembrance

This blog entry from the American Psychological Association’s Public Interest Directorate reminded me to #SayHerName today.  

Straight Outta Compton: How Hip Hop, Misogynoir, and HIV Affect Black Men

The movie was well done. It privileged the lives of young, Black male protagonists from poor neighborhoods who built an entertainment legacy that continues to shape our media. In a delicate, yet powerful way, Straight Outta Compton wove a sexual health theme that tied misogynoir, hip hop and HIV together for Black people. We watch […]

Serena, Black Cis-Female Sexiness, and Heterosexism

You saw the picture. What did you do with the imagery? Where did you catalogue it in your spectrum of attractiveness? How does your race, gender, and sexual orientation impact said cataloguing?

Flirting as the Key to Marriage Happiness

Not with someone else, but with your partner, for those who have wandering eyes and minds. According to research conducted by one of my colleagues at UK, Brandi Frisby, flirting enhanced attraction for one’s partner, which in turn improves marital satisfaction. Imagine that it could be as simple as telling your woman her butt looks […]

APA and Torture

I joined a profession with a racist, homophobic, and Eurocentric foundation. I did so because at the age of 16, I took a psychology course and decided that I would become a psychologist to help people, and despite the horrible origins, I’ve been able to do so. I’ve been actively involved in my field, because […]